God's Love

We are all ONE.

"And the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them."

Isaiah 11:6

Who's the Fairest of Them All?

One of the major karmic themes of my lifetime has been adultery. Our lives are patterns of karmic themes, but surely this one was a dominant theme in mine for many years. As I’ll explain, the root cause of this is vanity. Pride. A heightened sense of entitlement.

Even as a very young girl, I had strong desires for the opposite sex. And a desire to dominate them psychologically. When I entered my teens, my older sister’s boyfriends made passes at me. Did I wish this to happen? Subconsciously, I believe so.

Later, after I met the young man I was to marry, I had early inklings of trouble ahead. He attracted unstable women who seemed to be motivated not only by their desire for him, but by a desire to take what was mine. I found it puzzling since I did not know these women, but they were often fixated on me. Now, I see very clearly that, indeed, they were sent by divine design to do exactly that—to take away what was “mine.” For most of my marriage, there was always some woman who wanted to take my husband away from me, and I resisted. The suffering, of course, was enormous, as I loved him deeply and, for the most part, innocently. I’ll spare you the details of my ordeal.

Like most souls, I’ve had more than one lifetime as an adulterer. As a result, in this lifetime, I found myself married to an adulterer who betrayed me with multiple women. I stayed for the whole thing, taking what was needed to pay my debt. I certainly had no knowledge of this karmic debt at the time, but my Higher Self did. Karma is never a punishment. It is simply a law of the universe and a balance of spirit that must be achieved. What we sow, for better or for worse, we will eventually reap. These lessons help us to achieve Christ Consciousness, to raise our vibrations and set us on a path for ascension.

Behind each action that we take—each action producing a reaction—there is some underlying character weakness or strength that sets the whole thing in motion. In my case, it was vanity that was the root cause of my troubles with adultery. This past year, it was revealed to me that in past lives, I had used my beauty to gain power.

In one vivid dream in December 2006, I was a Russian peasant on my wedding night. My husband, who was an innocent, was speaking to me of how beautiful I was as he removed my nightgown. He had “permission” to take me, but he was being timid. After he initiated intimacy, he was so grateful and complimentary. I remember looking on him with disdain thinking “what a fool you are.” A subsequent dream revealed another scene from that lifetime. I was with another man. We were concerned about “hidden treasures.” And the man was saying, “Oh, let’s be done with this.” And I pleaded, “But I don’t want to be done with it.”

Did that young groom, so unsure of himself, become my husband in this lifetime? What were these "hidden treasures"? Stolen wealth? Was I planning to run away with my lover? Is this why I could never convince my husband in this lifetime that I loved him? And why he was so unfaithful to me, despite loving me as deeply as he did? I search for the answers inside my soul.

But, perhaps, the most vivid past life recall concerning adultery came in May of this year. I was a young woman sitting on a bench in the back of a lecture hall. A middle-aged man with a beard was presenting at the front of the room which was all dark wood paneling and leather chairs. I was growing restless and removed myself to the bathroom. After I closed the door behind me, I looked up into the mirror at my reflection. I was absolutely stunning. Nicole Kidman-stunning. And it was ME looking back. I had reddish brown hair cut Egyptian-style with big brown eyes, high cheek bones, translucent skin and a slender, perfectly toned body. As I brushed the bangs away from my eyes, I thought to myself, “These people are so boring. Why can't I just leave?"

When I told my mother about the experience with the mirror (a medium who can access the Akashic records through her spirit guides), it was revealed that I had been the mistress to a Swiss diplomat in Geneva in that lifetime. I died in 1932. I sensed a superficial young woman, another careless soul who used her beauty to manipulate and advance her station in life, not caring in the slightest who got hurt along the way. And still, I love and forgive her. I treasure the lesson that she brought.

Pride, vanity or narcissism. It has always been a great temptation for mankind.

For all of us, it is far better to look at our challenges in life objectively, whatever they may be, from the karmic perspective. What are your challenges in this lifetime? What lessons are you learning? Who do you need to forgive? A spouse? A parent? Perhaps, yourself. Make the most of your opportunities for forgiveness. These unlock the door to compassion, which leads to unconditional love, the bliss of which can not be described by the human tongue.

Making His 'Transit'

It’s important to understand that when someone we love dies, their spirit goes on. And, in fact, the relationship goes on. Since my ex-husband’s death from a heart attack in 2004, I have had many visits from him. Because I am a sensitive, and because I am open to it, I have been helping him to continue on his journey in my "dreams."

There have been times when I've pleaded with him to stop coming. His visits are often childish and manipulative, just as in life. Still, in one dream, he revealed to me, through unmistakable symbolism, that his substance abuse had been the result of an undiagnosed manic-depressive disorder. All highs and lows, he had explained, no middles. This was comforting to me, of course, and I was very grateful to him for confirming what I had suspected.

In another visit, he wanted to know if I had loved him, even though I had divorced him. He couldn’t make his “transit,” he whispered in my ear one morning, until he knew the answer to this question. I did not believe he was anywhere near making his transit with a question like that. It annoyed me and my emotions took over. This was the broken record of our life together. Even though I had assured him at every turn in the marriage that I loved him, no amount of words or action could convince him. He was so confused about love. For him, sex was love. The amount of sexual attraction he could induce in another was a fair estimate of his self-worth. It often grieved me. I could not reach him. And his was such a beautiful soul capable of much goodness. His gift for music, his genuine sweetness and concern for others, those twinkling eyes of merriment…

In late 1999, when I told him that I was going to file for divorce, he told me that we would never be apart, and that we were “joined at the hip.” At the time that he said it, I knew it was a hint of things to come. I received the news with dread, knowing how possessive he could be. He has made good on his promise, never leaving my side for a moment. And true to form, I am there for him, again and again, assuring him of my love and helping him to transit to the next level in his soul's journey. My love for him is eternal. I recently recognized that he helped me to complete my karma in an important area of my own journey. I chose him for this. How can I deny him my patience and understanding, as others have been patient and understanding with me?

Some time back, I had a visit from one of my spirit guides who showed me a book. She began flipping through the pages but only so far. I tried to turn the pages beyond where her finger was, but to no avail. She said to me, “First the dream therapy, and then the saying ‘goodbye’ to your loved one.” After I awakened, I wondered how this would play out. Obviously, someone had been listening to my pleas for my husband’s departure.

Lately, my ex has been visiting quite a bit in ways not pleasing to me. I am seeking a new relationship here on the Earth plane. It is time for him to let go. Sleeping rather fitfully, I awoke at 5 a.m. this morning after having had yet another visit from him. So I prayed in earnest for his deliverance and, eventually, I fell back asleep. And there he was again. He was leading me and our two children into a Catholic church, making a big show of it. Some people were seated at a table inside. He retrieved a small book of scripture from them and we left, making our way across the lawn at the entrance to the church. As we walked, our path cut across a steady stream of people entering the church. I said to him, “Why did you make all of us get out of the car and go with you? You could have done this yourself.” There was no response. I stopped him, in the middle of the stream of worshippers and a spirit being appeared opposite us. He was smiling, but he was not mine. Through thought transference, I recognized him as my husband’s spirit guide. I said to my husband, “All you had to do was let me love you.” His spirit guide seemed very pleased. I woke up.

I share this personal story with you so that you will understand the importance of our relationships, and how we are all eternally bound, one to another. There is a completion of cycle. And a completion of spirit. To resist the power of love and its faithfulness is to resist yourself and your soul’s journey. To harbor bitterness and resentment toward others is to cut yourself off from God’s perfect path to liberty. Everything has a purpose, even suffering. Be patient and kind. At all times, be at peace, seeking harmony, unity and truth.

A Change in Consciousness

These are the words of Mahatma Gandhi:

"It takes a fairly strenuous course of training to attain a mental state of nonviolence. It is a disciplined life, like the mental state of a soldier. The perfect state is reached only when the mind, body and speech are in proper coordination. Every problem would lend itself to solution if we determined to make the law of truth and nonviolence the law of life."

Assume the Position

This is my favorite position when communicating with God. On my knees, head down, hands receiving. My listening and receiving position. I do not assume the position. It assumes me. No one taught me this. I have since learned that it is a chakra exercise in kundalini yoga. It is the most natural position for me. The one in which I am most comfortable. It evolved over time as my relationship with the Creator continued to deepen and life's most humbling lessons burned their messages into this rebellious heart. But its origins go way back in my walk with Christ.

Long, long ago, when I lived in California, I was married to a successful nightclub musician. We lived in a resort town favored by Hollywood stars, and we had two beautiful young children. Although we started out together, over the years, my husband and I chose different paths. Our value systems grew largely apart. He became immersed in the drug and alcohol culture; I became immersed in raising a family.

There came a time when he began using cocaine, a drug so destructive that it nearly left us both dead. Among other things, he was exhibiting aggression, so unlike him, and he seemed to have absolutely no moral compass whatsoever left. As with all relationships, I contributed my own set of weird childhood, karmic and personality foibles to the mix. We were a mess.

To make matters worse, he was having an affair--again. I was home alone most of the time with two small children in a city where I knew no one. Estranged from my family, I had no human support system in place at all. Eventually, the stress of keeping it all together by myself was so enormous--the pain of watching someone slowly destroy themselves so hard to bear--it affected my mind. I was becoming something ugly and so was he. I began to contemplate suicide. And I stopped eating. Day after day, I fed the children, but I didn't eat myself. A nibble here. A nibble there. I lost a tremendous amount of weight. I was wasting away. Trying to disappear.

And then, one day, I woke up and it was gone. The belief that I needed to hang in there for the kids...it was gone. I no longer cared. They'd be better off, I thought. Better off without me. The pain was too much. And again, I began to fantasize about taking my own life. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. No more pain. No more agony. All gone.

But that wasn't the plan for the day. God was only a breath away. I slipped to my knees on the soft pink carpet and my head went down, too. I assumed the position. And I began to cry. And suddenly, I remembered that voice that spoke to me in Hawaii, when I was washing the dishes, and everything in my life was so wonderful and I hadn't a care in the world: "Know that I am here," the voice had said. (See my post of Aug. 17.) I never understood at the time why He came to me. But I remembered that voice that day on the pink carpet, and I called upon the name of Jesus, and immediately I was lifted up. My spirit rose up out of the "depths of hell" and I was "saved." Completely restored. Held high. Reborn.

So, in truth, I did die that day, after all. It would become the first of many "deaths." I die a little bit every day. And I am so grateful, because what I get in return can not be measured. And now, when I bow before my heavenly Father, my hands are always a little extended, like a child's, hoping to receive just an ounce of His wisdom, an ounce of His perfect love. So for me, it began with Christ.

And I have come a long way since that day. I have studied many great masters and experienced many great things. But the other night, while doing my prayers and affirmations before falling asleep, a telepathic message dropped into my spirit: "Follow me," it said. It was a voice I recognized. It was the voice of my savior.

Life Is But a Dream

Try this experiment. Before going to sleep, surround yourself with white light for protection, visualizing the brightest white light possible. Really see it--you know, the white light that's so intensely white it almost breaks into purple. Then, ask for guidance before drifting off. Be specific. Do this every night. You'll find that you get quite good at it and you'll actually look forward to it. Be sure to pay close attention to what your dreams tell you. Watch for celestial visitors. Remember. Seek and you shall find.

I had two visitors last night, back to back, like they were doing shifts. My ability to recognize them now and engage them has improved dramatically. I laughed very hard with the first one, who appeared as a short, fat, impish male. But underneath the laughter was a deep karmic discussion in symbolic language that only I would understand. It was so thick with meaning for me that I awoke immediately and I realized the joke was on me! I had just gotten the most loving, fatherly instruction, tailored to my personality. The underlying message was about my past lives, and why certain situations have manifested in this life for me. I was being reminded, without sentiment, to be careful of my past behavior patterns as I enter into a new phase. And because I am in touch with my higher self, I knew exactly what was being told to me, the history of my lesson, and the importance of heeding his warning as circumstances, once again, change in my life.

After I fell back asleep, the next visit was from one of my known guardian angels, a feminine energy, who I am finally able to enjoy as a friend because I recognize her vibration. She comes to encourage me, to give me gifts of hope. She took me to an "ice cream parlor" for an "ice cream sundae." It looked like an ice cream sundae! But it was all vibrant fuchsias and lime greens and blues and filled with joyous design frills. We both "ate" our ice cream sundaes and her telepathic message was....find the joy, find the beauty, find the love. It was all so grand, we did the scene twice! And we laughed about what fun we were having by repeating it. Why not? we asked!

We were celebrating the end of a karmic trial for me in this lifetime. The debt is paid. And I think I did well!

About Rituals

I often advise my friends who are seeking closer communion with God to light candles of intent, and to set up personal altars containing receptacles for written prayers and aspirations, and perhaps, incense burners and other personal items that bring hope and inspiration. I believe these altars serve a useful purpose in advancing our soul's purpose, and that they are honored by our celestial guides. I have found, since establishing this place within my home, that uplifting vibrations now inhabit the area around my altar. And the scent of the incense that I burn, particularly lavendar, which I have everywhere in my home, reminds me of my prayers and the loving consciousness that pervades these thoughts. The presence of my altar can be felt the moment I arrive home, reminding me that I am not alone, never have been, and never will be. Its presence also invites me to serve others through the promotion of loving thoughts, and to invite the love from others into my own heart.

It is important to remember, however, that altars are only tools and no attachment should exist. The loving thoughts they help to create have purpose and meaning, but our true temples of God reside within our bodies where our spiritual life force is housed. Holy communion--what the Hindus call yoga and what Jesus called The God Within--that place where we feel our eternal life force (our chakra centers) join with the Divine Source--is the true path to enlightenment. And the more we seek, the more that is given. We will never be given more than we can hold, as each of us is guided and lovingly supported by higher entities who know us well. So in truth, we carry our altar around everywhere we go. Regardless of which method we choose--praying at a physical altar at church or at home, or through deep yoga meditation--it is the sincerity of the seeking that is most important.

I do not hold strictly to ritual. That is, I do not believe that we should become a slave to time schedules or fret over the physical manifestations of Godly communication. We are far better off listening to our stillness and peaceful inner guidance, which is always on time and always appropriate. Blind ritual without purpose and without meaning is not the way. The intuitive creative power of our higher selves lights our path. We should strive for a kind of walking meditation. And for that, we must surrender our will completely to God.