Making His 'Transit'

It’s important to understand that when someone we love dies, their spirit goes on. And, in fact, the relationship goes on. Since my ex-husband’s death from a heart attack in 2004, I have had many visits from him. Because I am a sensitive, and because I am open to it, I have been helping him to continue on his journey in my "dreams."

There have been times when I've pleaded with him to stop coming. His visits are often childish and manipulative, just as in life. Still, in one dream, he revealed to me, through unmistakable symbolism, that his substance abuse had been the result of an undiagnosed manic-depressive disorder. All highs and lows, he had explained, no middles. This was comforting to me, of course, and I was very grateful to him for confirming what I had suspected.

In another visit, he wanted to know if I had loved him, even though I had divorced him. He couldn’t make his “transit,” he whispered in my ear one morning, until he knew the answer to this question. I did not believe he was anywhere near making his transit with a question like that. It annoyed me and my emotions took over. This was the broken record of our life together. Even though I had assured him at every turn in the marriage that I loved him, no amount of words or action could convince him. He was so confused about love. For him, sex was love. The amount of sexual attraction he could induce in another was a fair estimate of his self-worth. It often grieved me. I could not reach him. And his was such a beautiful soul capable of much goodness. His gift for music, his genuine sweetness and concern for others, those twinkling eyes of merriment…

In late 1999, when I told him that I was going to file for divorce, he told me that we would never be apart, and that we were “joined at the hip.” At the time that he said it, I knew it was a hint of things to come. I received the news with dread, knowing how possessive he could be. He has made good on his promise, never leaving my side for a moment. And true to form, I am there for him, again and again, assuring him of my love and helping him to transit to the next level in his soul's journey. My love for him is eternal. I recently recognized that he helped me to complete my karma in an important area of my own journey. I chose him for this. How can I deny him my patience and understanding, as others have been patient and understanding with me?

Some time back, I had a visit from one of my spirit guides who showed me a book. She began flipping through the pages but only so far. I tried to turn the pages beyond where her finger was, but to no avail. She said to me, “First the dream therapy, and then the saying ‘goodbye’ to your loved one.” After I awakened, I wondered how this would play out. Obviously, someone had been listening to my pleas for my husband’s departure.

Lately, my ex has been visiting quite a bit in ways not pleasing to me. I am seeking a new relationship here on the Earth plane. It is time for him to let go. Sleeping rather fitfully, I awoke at 5 a.m. this morning after having had yet another visit from him. So I prayed in earnest for his deliverance and, eventually, I fell back asleep. And there he was again. He was leading me and our two children into a Catholic church, making a big show of it. Some people were seated at a table inside. He retrieved a small book of scripture from them and we left, making our way across the lawn at the entrance to the church. As we walked, our path cut across a steady stream of people entering the church. I said to him, “Why did you make all of us get out of the car and go with you? You could have done this yourself.” There was no response. I stopped him, in the middle of the stream of worshippers and a spirit being appeared opposite us. He was smiling, but he was not mine. Through thought transference, I recognized him as my husband’s spirit guide. I said to my husband, “All you had to do was let me love you.” His spirit guide seemed very pleased. I woke up.

I share this personal story with you so that you will understand the importance of our relationships, and how we are all eternally bound, one to another. There is a completion of cycle. And a completion of spirit. To resist the power of love and its faithfulness is to resist yourself and your soul’s journey. To harbor bitterness and resentment toward others is to cut yourself off from God’s perfect path to liberty. Everything has a purpose, even suffering. Be patient and kind. At all times, be at peace, seeking harmony, unity and truth.

Pride Cometh Before the Fall

In my morning meditations, I reflected on recent events in my life and how they related to a persistent injury to my wrist. Often, we are unaware of where we are going before it is too late, and then, alarmingly, unexpectedly, something manifests in the physical world to remind us of our limitations. For me, the physical body has never been an issue. I have been so blessed with vigor, and with a seemingly unstoppable immune system, that it has given rise to a false sense of being totally invincible when it comes to my health.

Like all of us, I am a beautiful matrix of intersecting spiritual influences all of which affect where I go, what I do and who I meet. And as complex as we all are, we are all, nonetheless, called to one abiding truth--to love our fellow man and join together in unity. Understanding this much will send you soaring across the universe.

In my astrological chart, it clearly indicates that my quest for freedom and independence is often at odds with my need to ground myself in the here and now. And as my moon's north node (karmic direction) is firmly fixed in the sign of Aquarius, I continually strive to attain a humanitarian ideal while carrying behind me the sweep and swagger of a dragon's tail colored in Leo's vibrant need (demand, really) for recognition. I can be eccentric, willful and more than a little prideful. My goal, then, is to unite the two polarities into one harmonious flow of soulful energy in service to mankind. It is not that one is preferable to the other. All signs of the zodiac have their pluses and minuses.

So when I fell on the rocks by my beloved river in June due to a lack of foresight and poor judgment, it mirrored events in my career that have led to my current battles with anxiety. The discordant tones reverberating within my soul's inner chamber are clearly the result of my own inability to overcome pride. And as they say, pride cometh before the fall.

While most of my physical injuries on the river that day manifested as simple bruises, my right wrist continues in weakness two months later. I have had to wear a brace, pop Advil, use my left hand to lift and avoid too much time at the computer where carpal tunnel syndrome sends radiating pain up into my shoulder. Alas, I am host to a physical body after all, one that requires my protection.

Dragging this injury around for the last two months has felt like an Achilles' heel reminder about pride. So I prayed in earnest this morning to be healed, to have my eyes opened to pride, once again, showing itself to be my biggest weakness. And so it is for all of us. And it is this that keeps us isolated and further away from the unity that God would have for us.