Letting Go

The hardest part about surrender is letting go. Letting go of all of your preconceived notions about how things should be, how people should behave, what everything means and where you ought to be. There came a time in my recent struggle to stay on a particular path when the inner turmoil almost drove me mad. Stubborn? Oh, my. There are times in my life when I would rather carry the weight of my own delusions, than accept the all-knowing hand of God. So about these things I know. The moment I surrendered to God was the moment I was released from my turmoil. It's amazing how that works.

And now, I am on the road to healing and self-forgiveness. Which is a different road, but similar. I still need to let go of recriminations against myself. After all, I am no better or worse than anyone else.

So the emotions are trying to come up for my cleansing and I am slowly allowing them to surface. I need a really good cry. Several, in fact. The stiff upper lip mentality driven home by my childhood often prevents these wonderful purifying moments. But they will come.

One of my favorite writers is Melody Beattie. In her book "Finding Your Way Home," she writes: "Each time I surrender it feels so painful. It feels like I've lost, like I'll never, ever have what I want, and again my world, dreams and desires are collapsing around my feet. The house of cards is tumbling down, one more time. The rage bubbles up: I can't have what I want? I had to get all excited, all passionate, all full of desire and hope just to let go and lose again? Exactly. That's the only way to win. And the singular way to be a warrior on the pathway home."

What weight are you carrying? Maybe it's time to let it go.