A Change in Consciousness

These are the words of Mahatma Gandhi:

"It takes a fairly strenuous course of training to attain a mental state of nonviolence. It is a disciplined life, like the mental state of a soldier. The perfect state is reached only when the mind, body and speech are in proper coordination. Every problem would lend itself to solution if we determined to make the law of truth and nonviolence the law of life."

Assume the Position

This is my favorite position when communicating with God. On my knees, head down, hands receiving. My listening and receiving position. I do not assume the position. It assumes me. No one taught me this. I have since learned that it is a chakra exercise in kundalini yoga. It is the most natural position for me. The one in which I am most comfortable. It evolved over time as my relationship with the Creator continued to deepen and life's most humbling lessons burned their messages into this rebellious heart. But its origins go way back in my walk with Christ.

Long, long ago, when I lived in California, I was married to a successful nightclub musician. We lived in a resort town favored by Hollywood stars, and we had two beautiful young children. Although we started out together, over the years, my husband and I chose different paths. Our value systems grew largely apart. He became immersed in the drug and alcohol culture; I became immersed in raising a family.

There came a time when he began using cocaine, a drug so destructive that it nearly left us both dead. Among other things, he was exhibiting aggression, so unlike him, and he seemed to have absolutely no moral compass whatsoever left. As with all relationships, I contributed my own set of weird childhood, karmic and personality foibles to the mix. We were a mess.

To make matters worse, he was having an affair--again. I was home alone most of the time with two small children in a city where I knew no one. Estranged from my family, I had no human support system in place at all. Eventually, the stress of keeping it all together by myself was so enormous--the pain of watching someone slowly destroy themselves so hard to bear--it affected my mind. I was becoming something ugly and so was he. I began to contemplate suicide. And I stopped eating. Day after day, I fed the children, but I didn't eat myself. A nibble here. A nibble there. I lost a tremendous amount of weight. I was wasting away. Trying to disappear.

And then, one day, I woke up and it was gone. The belief that I needed to hang in there for the kids...it was gone. I no longer cared. They'd be better off, I thought. Better off without me. The pain was too much. And again, I began to fantasize about taking my own life. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. No more pain. No more agony. All gone.

But that wasn't the plan for the day. God was only a breath away. I slipped to my knees on the soft pink carpet and my head went down, too. I assumed the position. And I began to cry. And suddenly, I remembered that voice that spoke to me in Hawaii, when I was washing the dishes, and everything in my life was so wonderful and I hadn't a care in the world: "Know that I am here," the voice had said. (See my post of Aug. 17.) I never understood at the time why He came to me. But I remembered that voice that day on the pink carpet, and I called upon the name of Jesus, and immediately I was lifted up. My spirit rose up out of the "depths of hell" and I was "saved." Completely restored. Held high. Reborn.

So, in truth, I did die that day, after all. It would become the first of many "deaths." I die a little bit every day. And I am so grateful, because what I get in return can not be measured. And now, when I bow before my heavenly Father, my hands are always a little extended, like a child's, hoping to receive just an ounce of His wisdom, an ounce of His perfect love. So for me, it began with Christ.

And I have come a long way since that day. I have studied many great masters and experienced many great things. But the other night, while doing my prayers and affirmations before falling asleep, a telepathic message dropped into my spirit: "Follow me," it said. It was a voice I recognized. It was the voice of my savior.

Life Is But a Dream

Try this experiment. Before going to sleep, surround yourself with white light for protection, visualizing the brightest white light possible. Really see it--you know, the white light that's so intensely white it almost breaks into purple. Then, ask for guidance before drifting off. Be specific. Do this every night. You'll find that you get quite good at it and you'll actually look forward to it. Be sure to pay close attention to what your dreams tell you. Watch for celestial visitors. Remember. Seek and you shall find.

I had two visitors last night, back to back, like they were doing shifts. My ability to recognize them now and engage them has improved dramatically. I laughed very hard with the first one, who appeared as a short, fat, impish male. But underneath the laughter was a deep karmic discussion in symbolic language that only I would understand. It was so thick with meaning for me that I awoke immediately and I realized the joke was on me! I had just gotten the most loving, fatherly instruction, tailored to my personality. The underlying message was about my past lives, and why certain situations have manifested in this life for me. I was being reminded, without sentiment, to be careful of my past behavior patterns as I enter into a new phase. And because I am in touch with my higher self, I knew exactly what was being told to me, the history of my lesson, and the importance of heeding his warning as circumstances, once again, change in my life.

After I fell back asleep, the next visit was from one of my known guardian angels, a feminine energy, who I am finally able to enjoy as a friend because I recognize her vibration. She comes to encourage me, to give me gifts of hope. She took me to an "ice cream parlor" for an "ice cream sundae." It looked like an ice cream sundae! But it was all vibrant fuchsias and lime greens and blues and filled with joyous design frills. We both "ate" our ice cream sundaes and her telepathic message was....find the joy, find the beauty, find the love. It was all so grand, we did the scene twice! And we laughed about what fun we were having by repeating it. Why not? we asked!

We were celebrating the end of a karmic trial for me in this lifetime. The debt is paid. And I think I did well!

About Rituals

I often advise my friends who are seeking closer communion with God to light candles of intent, and to set up personal altars containing receptacles for written prayers and aspirations, and perhaps, incense burners and other personal items that bring hope and inspiration. I believe these altars serve a useful purpose in advancing our soul's purpose, and that they are honored by our celestial guides. I have found, since establishing this place within my home, that uplifting vibrations now inhabit the area around my altar. And the scent of the incense that I burn, particularly lavendar, which I have everywhere in my home, reminds me of my prayers and the loving consciousness that pervades these thoughts. The presence of my altar can be felt the moment I arrive home, reminding me that I am not alone, never have been, and never will be. Its presence also invites me to serve others through the promotion of loving thoughts, and to invite the love from others into my own heart.

It is important to remember, however, that altars are only tools and no attachment should exist. The loving thoughts they help to create have purpose and meaning, but our true temples of God reside within our bodies where our spiritual life force is housed. Holy communion--what the Hindus call yoga and what Jesus called The God Within--that place where we feel our eternal life force (our chakra centers) join with the Divine Source--is the true path to enlightenment. And the more we seek, the more that is given. We will never be given more than we can hold, as each of us is guided and lovingly supported by higher entities who know us well. So in truth, we carry our altar around everywhere we go. Regardless of which method we choose--praying at a physical altar at church or at home, or through deep yoga meditation--it is the sincerity of the seeking that is most important.

I do not hold strictly to ritual. That is, I do not believe that we should become a slave to time schedules or fret over the physical manifestations of Godly communication. We are far better off listening to our stillness and peaceful inner guidance, which is always on time and always appropriate. Blind ritual without purpose and without meaning is not the way. The intuitive creative power of our higher selves lights our path. We should strive for a kind of walking meditation. And for that, we must surrender our will completely to God.

Good Vibrations

Thoughts, prayers, email correspondence, casually spoken asides…these are all so powerful, more powerful than we realize. When I consider how I defeat my intentions through negative thinking, it gives me great pause. What am I creating? What do I wish to create?

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” John 1:1

“That is why I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24

Numerous videos reveal the spectacular association between sound vibrations and form. It is believed by many that thoughts create cosmic sound. In his book "Far Journeys," Robert Monroe (the man who brought astral travel into popular discussion) described a ring around the Earth he called the Mband. According to Monroe, the Mband is a noisy, discordant accumulation of sound waves that encircles our planet vibrating with all of our negative thoughts.

So what can happen when we produce loving, positive thoughts, when we lift our thoughts up to God? When I was living in California, it was a joy each Christmas to visit San Juan Capistrano and the mission there. Inside the mission, was a little side chapel. I have always been sensitive to vibrations, but on one occasion, I was so drawn to the little chapel that I felt absolutely compelled to enter, as though something was tapping me on the shoulder and beckoning me to come, acknowledge, rejoice.

Upon entering the empty chapel, the spirit of God was so thick, the prayers so heartfelt, that I immediately fell to my knees at the altar in deep adoration. I only left when it became clear that the rest of my family was growing restless, but I would have stayed there forever, if that were possible. Although I could not see them, I felt the presence of angels.

Later, I discovered that the chapel was a special place of prayer for cancer victims. I returned to the little chapel every visit to see if I could recapture the ecstasy of that experience, but rarely did I ever feel the presence of God as strongly in that tiny room, as I did that day. Someone’s loving prayers had remained behind that day and they had reverberated and touched my spirit.

Every day is a clean slate to write my life upon. So, I am thinking. About my thoughts. And it is good.

White Light of Christ Consciousness

In 1980, something happened to me that changed my life. I was living in Hawaii at the time. I had been married for eight years and I had a beautiful little boy, age three. I thought my life couldn’t get much better. I had many blessings. I was living very close to nature, digging in the dirt and creating a vibrant garden on the land that surrounded our home. And my home was located on the North Shore of Oahu, a place filled with awe-inspiring majesty and daring young people who surfed the waves.

But I was also beginning to experience some of the phenomenon that has stayed with me throughout most of my adult life. After my son was born, I became aware of my astral body for the first time. These early out of body experiences didn’t come about through meditation or active seeking. I was not practicing any kind of religion at the time. The little green surfer shack where we first lived in Sunset Beach, just steps from the beach, was “haunted.” And an annoying disembodied spirit was disturbing my sleep, taunting me and hovering too close to my newborn son who slept in a crib beside me. My maternal instincts were aroused, and so I left my body to deal with him. After we left this initial home on the point at Sunset, we moved into a new home a couple of streets away, the one where I turned a vacant yard into a colorful garden. And I had another out of body there, this time in response to an inquisitive astral who, while harmless, was nonetheless, watching my son too closely for my comfort level. As I re-entered my physical body, it raised up off the bed, like it had been touched by a small jolt of electricity. This experience opened up the door to questions about energy, substance, what we're really made of. After consulting with my mother, a medium whose abilities I had run from as a child, I was able to send these spirits away, "to Jesus."

Despite these startling experiences with the astral world, I was quite content. And, of course, no one else in the household was sharing in this phenomenon. I was quite alone in this new awareness.

And then I was greeted by the white light of Christ Consciousness, Divine Love, while washing dishes. The sink where I washed dishes in the new house was located in a sort of alcove in the kitchen. Above the sink was a large window facing the side yard. I would stand there after serving my family dinner, handwashing the dishes, looking out the window, the warm water smoothing away any rough edges of the day, lost in my thoughts, and feeling very relaxed and blessed. One evening, a white light filled the window and a telepathic voice said to me, “Know that I am here and that I love you.” It wasn't a white light that one could see with the human eye, but with what we call the third eye. And it did not alarm me or cause me to act in any way. Two more consecutive evenings, the same white light filled the window and the same message was delivered. I simply absorbed this at the time, without alarm and without discussion to those around me. And somehow, I knew. It was the omnipresent spirit of Jesus Christ. The love was nothing like the love I had felt from those around me. It transcended every human emotion.

Eventually, quite casually, I shared what had happened to me with my husband and a younger brother. I knew their thoughts…Oh, there she goes. What a vivid imagination she has. Let’s humor her. “Well, how do you know it was Jesus? How do you know it wasn’t Buddha or some other religious figure?” I knew.

I did not immediately join the nearest Christian church. I simply stored the experience away, along with all of the other mysterious events of my life up until that time, and continued on with what I thought was a relatively trouble-free existence. "Know that I am here..." he had said...

Years later, I would read in the Bible the passage where Jesus says, “My sheep hear my voice and I know them, and they follow me.” How glad I was when I read this. Yes, I had recognized his spirit. And it would visit me again in California on the darkest day of my life. (See post 9/19/08)

Embrace It All

I was reminded today about the importance of being thankful. It's easy to give thanks to the Creator on good days when everything is going your way, when that big promotion comes in, or when you meet someone new who makes you laugh, or maybe you finally found something you thought was lost forever behind the sofa.

But on those days, when everything seems to go wrong, or you find out you've lost something, can you still be thankful? Remember that every day is an opportunity to grow, to learn something new about yourself, to take that next step toward becoming the loving person you always knew you could be. Even our most difficult lessons are blessings in disguise. In fact, we are here to make mistakes, to learn some new lessons. This is school. Your life is exactly as it should be.

Sometimes, our "worst enemies" are our biggest allies. Wouldn't that surprise them to know this? But it's true. These souls teach us something special about ourselves: what we value, our ability to rise to the occasion and our capacity to forgive. This is not to say that we shouldn't protect ourselves from negative energy, but it is far better to simply pray for our adversaries and move on. Bitterness corrupts the heart and stunts our growth. Remember: no one is perfect. A little self-examination usually reveals some hidden truth about ourselves where we need to improve. Before moving on, don't miss these precious nuggets of wisdom.

Today, I went down my list of people...the ones I feel have "wronged" me. I was surprised at how many were on my list. And I thanked God for every one of them. And then I said a prayer of thanks for all of my hard lessons of late. For being humbled one more time, bringing me closer and closer to the One who sees all things and knows all things and loves me unconditionally, even if it means letting me fall.

As August turns into September, I will enjoy this new harvest of experience and love to guide me as I continue on my soul's journey.